Some of you out there have maybe seen some of my food posts on other social media outlets, so here's the story....
I am working on getting healthy. This isn't a weight loss thing, this isn't a body image thing, or a self-esteem thing. This is purely a "I've felt like crap for a decade" thing. For the greater part of the last 10-15 years, I haven't felt great. I've had stomach issues that couldn't be figured out, sleeping issues, and don't even get me started on the headaches/migraines. I've been dealing with those since I can remember! I remember staying home from Primary because of headaches. Throughout my life, I've generally had about 2-3 headaches a week, mixed in with migraines. And yes, I know the difference. The way I explained it to a friend once was that I pretty much always have a headache, it's just a matter of it's a 1-2 pain scale and I barely notice it or if it's a full blown 7-8, throwing up, black room, ice packs, zombie for 3-4 days recovery. I also got a pinched nerve in my neck about 7 years ago (never riding Colossus at Lagoon again!), that 4 years ago developed into a bulged disc. My neck is pretty much on lock down, all the time! That definitely doesn't help the headache issue. Through regular physical therapy, chiropractor and massage therapy, I've mostly been able to manage things, but that's just it. I want to fix it, not just manage it. The stomach issues aren't as bad as they used to be about 12 years ago, where I would be doubled over in pain after eating anything, but they're still not great. Over the last 18 months, things have just gotten worse. I really wasn't sleeping well, and I have been completely drained everyday. No energy, brain fog, and just feeling like I was going through the motions - zombie mode. I had a very difficult time waking up, and by 5 p.m., I would be exhausted, often climbing into bed for the night at 7:30. But don't worry, having 10 hours of sleep wouldn't help anyway. I'd still wake up just as miserable the next morning. Could this really be as good as it gets?
Now that you all think I'm a big whiner, here's the good part. I'm doing something about it. For the last 2 months, I've been seeing a specialized chiropractor who also deals in functional medicine. Blood work was done and while everything was in "normal" range, there were several key factors that were outside of "functional" range. Basically, things were working, but they weren't working to peak performance. I had about 6-7 different systems that weren't firing on all cylinders that were all contributing to these issues. My body wasn't absorbing nutrients to actually make these systems work well. Over the years of the SAD diet (Standard American Diet), my stomach and small intestine had eroded to the point that it couldn't extract nutrients. This is also called "Leaky gut" (you can google more of it if you want to).
So, we are changing my diet. While I was generally pretty health conscious, I loved eating out. I hated cooking. It wasn't my thing and I was generally horrible at it. Wanna hear something crazy? I haven't eaten out in over a month! And you have no idea how bad I want a greasy, fatty-fat burger and a chocolate chip cookie! But alas, I am determined to fix this! For the last month, I have been on an "elimination diet", also called Leaky gut diet, or Anti-inflammatory diet. I have eaten no wheat, dairy, soy, corn, oats, rice, legumes, peanuts, nightshade vegetables(tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, eggplant), and the obvious ones, no caffiene, sugar, fast food. The foods that I am able to eat is pretty much meat (organic) and vegetables & fruit, again mostly organic. My one saving grace is eggs which is normally on the "no" list, but because my cholesterol was so low, I get to eat as many eggs as I want. In the first week and a half of this, I lost about 10 pounds. Yeah, I'm not as stick skinny as you all thought!
After 4 weeks of this elimination diet, I am now at the point of slowly adding foods back in to see how they react. On Friday, I added rice. It's almost sad how giddy and excited I was to eat rice! I chose rice and beans to start with because I figured those would be things that would affect me less. Every 2 days I get to introduce new food. If something starts to react or hurt, I stop eating it, wait for the symptoms to subside, and then start again with something else.
The idea isn't that I won't ever be able to eat that greasy, fatty-fat burger, but that hopefully through healing my gut, when I do eat something maybe not so good for me, it doesn't affect me as bad and my body can process it better. And while I don't think I'll forever be able to stay away from french fries, pasta, and hamburgers, I am definitely more aware of how things affect me.
Here's what progress I have seen so far. We've been doing the NUCCA chiropractic treatments for 2 months and my headaches have significantly decreased. Less often and less severe. So happy! My sleep and energy levels haven't changed too much, but we are adding supplements for both, Vitamin D, a probiotic, an anti-inflammatory Turmeric, Magnesium tea and supplement, and Vitamin B-12/Folic Acid combo(turns out my body can't break down B-12, so this is an already methylated form).
I am determined to fix this! I am making changes to make my life better. Here's my message: Don't settle. Don't think that the way your life is right now is really the best it can be(unless it really is, then kudos to you!). There is always something we can change, something we can do a little better, some way that we can improve our life and the lives of those around us.
Happy eating!
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Monday, March 28, 2016
LIfe is...a witness
The Book of Ether. There are so many great lessons. So many things I could write about. Like how the barges the people built were tight like unto a dish, the same tightness we need to have to keep out the influences of Satan, just as they kept out water. Or how when the winds blew with their fierceness, the Jaredites reached their destination, just as in our lives when the winds blow it is taking us to our destination, or clearing the way for good. Or how when the brother of Jared asked the Lord what to do about air and light during their journey, and the Lord told him what to do about the air, but asked him what he wanted him to do about the light, we can also learn that we have to bring our own options to the table when asking questions.
But what I love about the Book of Ether is why Moroni added it. Now it all reality, we can't really know why Moroni added it, because we're not inside his brain. But, we can have some pretty good ideas. The story of the Jaredites parallels that of the Nephites. A people that leave their home and travel to a different side of the world, a side they didn't even know existed. A people that go through the same righteous-wicked cycles of life. A people that completely destroy themselves. Moroni adds this book at the end of the story of the Nephites. Mormon had just completed his writings and at this time in Moroni's world, there is no one righteous left. I think Moroni relates very well to Ether. They both are wandering for the lives. They both live in a world in which good does not exist. They both have seen an entire civilization destroyed.
Moroni has seen our day. He knows what we are experiencing and he knows what evils we are encountering. He understands these evils because he saw them in his day as well. He also had the knowledge of the Jaredites and knew what evils destroyed them as well. Because of these, and possibly several other reasons, Moroni added the book of Ether for us. Just as the other prophets, Moroni saw our day and wanted to warn us. Through the story of the Jaredites and the Nephites, we have two witnesses of what happens when we have a blessed land and don't keep the commandments the Lord has given us.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Life is...Malachi
One of my favorite chapters in all of scripture is Malachi 3, for several reasons. In this chapter, the score is evened. In this chapter, all things come out right. The chapter is only 6 verses long, but it has some incredible promises.
It starts out with the end, more specifically, what will happen in what we perceive as the end of this world. It describes that the wicked will get what has been prophesied. I won't go to much into it because it's a bit dreary, but read the verse that references that. I absolutely love verse 2. This is the promise of what happens to the righteous. "But unto you that fear my name, shall the Son of Righteousness arise with healing in his wings;". This is such a comforting promise. The righteous still have wounds. Just because they are living the gospel doesn't mean they haven't been hurt. Doesn't mean they didn't have shortcomings, weaknesses, addictions. BUT, as they have stayed close to the Son of Righteousness, he helped them along the way. And now, as the day cometh, He comes. and He comes with "healing in his wings". What a glorious promise! All those trials, all those addictions, the hurts, the scars, He heals them all! This is where the score is evened and the game is won! So many times in our mortal lives, we may feel that the wicked are getting their way. It often seems that being righteous doesn't provide the promises we so deeply seek. This is, in part, where all that we have worked for, suffered through and persevered through comes back to us, tenfold.
But this is not all.
What good would it do us if things didn't happen the same for our families? Or for those who have gone before without the opportunity? The promise of Malachi is that the prophet Elijah will come and "turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers". We know this to be the promise of eternal families, of the work for the dead, of the sealing powers. The fact that families can be together forever is what this is all about. This sealing power is what connects us to our Father in Heaven. By being sealed through the generations, we are truly all one family.
Now this promise of Elijah has been repeated several times throughout history. We see it in the scriptures in Malachi, in 3 Nephi when Christ is visiting the Nephites, and in early church history as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 2. Christ had such limited time with the Nephites, but this doctrine of eternal families was so important, he made sure that the Nephites knew of it. In D&C 2, we see this promise as the first section, chronologically. I've spent some time correlating the chronology of the Doctrine and Covenants with church history, and this particular passage is very interesting. This revelation was given to Joseph by Moroni on September 21, 1823. This was several years before Joseph ever even received the plates. But this is where it gets interesting. Heavenly Father knew that this revelation was important and that it would be crucial for Joseph to know about this, even though he might not understand it. See, many times in our lives, Heavenly Father gives us little nuggets of wisdom, or little inspirations or revelations, and even though we may not understand them or even recognize them. As we look back on our lives, we can see where the Lord was comforting us even before we knew we needed the comfort. Joseph receives the revelation that families can be together forever, and a 2 short months later, Joseph's dear older brother, Alvin, dies. What an incredible blessing! I love this prophesy and the comfort that it brings. Once understood, it must have brought comfort to the Prophet Joseph, and it can bring comfort to all who will listen, and open their hearts.
It starts out with the end, more specifically, what will happen in what we perceive as the end of this world. It describes that the wicked will get what has been prophesied. I won't go to much into it because it's a bit dreary, but read the verse that references that. I absolutely love verse 2. This is the promise of what happens to the righteous. "But unto you that fear my name, shall the Son of Righteousness arise with healing in his wings;". This is such a comforting promise. The righteous still have wounds. Just because they are living the gospel doesn't mean they haven't been hurt. Doesn't mean they didn't have shortcomings, weaknesses, addictions. BUT, as they have stayed close to the Son of Righteousness, he helped them along the way. And now, as the day cometh, He comes. and He comes with "healing in his wings". What a glorious promise! All those trials, all those addictions, the hurts, the scars, He heals them all! This is where the score is evened and the game is won! So many times in our mortal lives, we may feel that the wicked are getting their way. It often seems that being righteous doesn't provide the promises we so deeply seek. This is, in part, where all that we have worked for, suffered through and persevered through comes back to us, tenfold.
But this is not all.
What good would it do us if things didn't happen the same for our families? Or for those who have gone before without the opportunity? The promise of Malachi is that the prophet Elijah will come and "turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers". We know this to be the promise of eternal families, of the work for the dead, of the sealing powers. The fact that families can be together forever is what this is all about. This sealing power is what connects us to our Father in Heaven. By being sealed through the generations, we are truly all one family.
Now this promise of Elijah has been repeated several times throughout history. We see it in the scriptures in Malachi, in 3 Nephi when Christ is visiting the Nephites, and in early church history as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 2. Christ had such limited time with the Nephites, but this doctrine of eternal families was so important, he made sure that the Nephites knew of it. In D&C 2, we see this promise as the first section, chronologically. I've spent some time correlating the chronology of the Doctrine and Covenants with church history, and this particular passage is very interesting. This revelation was given to Joseph by Moroni on September 21, 1823. This was several years before Joseph ever even received the plates. But this is where it gets interesting. Heavenly Father knew that this revelation was important and that it would be crucial for Joseph to know about this, even though he might not understand it. See, many times in our lives, Heavenly Father gives us little nuggets of wisdom, or little inspirations or revelations, and even though we may not understand them or even recognize them. As we look back on our lives, we can see where the Lord was comforting us even before we knew we needed the comfort. Joseph receives the revelation that families can be together forever, and a 2 short months later, Joseph's dear older brother, Alvin, dies. What an incredible blessing! I love this prophesy and the comfort that it brings. Once understood, it must have brought comfort to the Prophet Joseph, and it can bring comfort to all who will listen, and open their hearts.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Life is...compassion!
3 Nephi 17
One of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon, and there are a lot. Of favorites, I mean. In my hard copy of my scriptures, I have this chapter titled "The Day That Almost Wasn't". I'm sure I picked that up from an institute instructor somewhere along the way. During this time in the Book of Mormon, Christ is visiting the Americas. These chapters are the crowning event of The Book of Mormon and there are some incredible gems in there. In this specific chapter, Christ has been teaching the multitude for what we can only imagine has been several hours. The people at this point must be exhausted. Sometimes, it's all I can do to make it through 3 hours of church. These people have just seen the Savior of the World. They have felt the nail prints in His hands and in His feet and listened to Him teach them. As human beings, they have got to be exhausted! Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Totally and completely. Jesus recognizes this in verse 2 of chapter 17, when He says " I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words" and He tells the people to go home & ponder on what He has taught them. But then, in verse 5, He sees into their hearts and their souls, and He sees their faith. Because of their faith, Christ knew He could do what He did next. As it records, "they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them." Here these people are exhausted, but they still want Him to be with them. Christ responds, "my bowels are filled with compassion towards you."
And here comes my favorite part.
He shows them. They are exhausted. Their minds can't take any more instruction. But I would dare bet they learn more from what Christ does next than by anything else. He blesses them. He asks them to bring their sick, the lame, the blind, the deaf, the leprous, the maimed, any that are withered or that are afflicted in any manner. He then heals them. Every. Single. One. Christ takes each individual person and heals them of whatever ailment they have. One by one, He removes the injuries, the sicknesses, the weaknesses. He doesn't limit who He heals. He doesn't say "oh you're not sick enough". He doesn't judge what the issue was. He of all people knows what they have been dealing with, but it doesn't matter to Him. He just has compassion and loves them and heals them.
I love the term "withered" that He uses. I looked that one up. I know what it means, but there's often some great insights when consulting the dictionary. Withered means "shrunken or faded as if from loss of moisture or sustenance". I feel like I would be classified in that category. Sometimes, we go through life and go through the motions, but we are missing that sustenance. We miss that connection that brings life and happiness. Connection with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, connection with others and connection with ourselves. Christ has the power that He can fix it, and has the compassion that He does fix it. He is the only one who knows how to fix exactly what we need, when we need it.
So here's our part.
I have been learning a lot about love lately, and specifically, love verses fear. Love helps us grow, fear keeps us from moving on. But from this, I have learned that love will win. Love can conquer all. Love can remove the hurt and anger. We need to love ourselves and love others. I have had to break through that barrier. I have tried to live and love like Christ. I have had to forgive and not judge. I still find myself at times having the conversations I wish I could and realized, it was all about me. I then focus on loving. To be like Christ, we need to show that compassion, as He did. Reaching out to others, stepping out of our comfort zone, whether it's in the form of taking chips and salsa, fatty fat french fries, chocolate chocolate chocolate chip cookies, or a shoulder to cry on or leaving someone alone for a time, we find whatever we can that that person would need, and we rise to the occasion to do it. Becoming like Christ isn't easy, but as we do something about it and reach out, Christ makes up the difference of what we lack. His compassion fills us and fills what we are trying to become, like Him.
One of my favorite chapters in the Book of Mormon, and there are a lot. Of favorites, I mean. In my hard copy of my scriptures, I have this chapter titled "The Day That Almost Wasn't". I'm sure I picked that up from an institute instructor somewhere along the way. During this time in the Book of Mormon, Christ is visiting the Americas. These chapters are the crowning event of The Book of Mormon and there are some incredible gems in there. In this specific chapter, Christ has been teaching the multitude for what we can only imagine has been several hours. The people at this point must be exhausted. Sometimes, it's all I can do to make it through 3 hours of church. These people have just seen the Savior of the World. They have felt the nail prints in His hands and in His feet and listened to Him teach them. As human beings, they have got to be exhausted! Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. Totally and completely. Jesus recognizes this in verse 2 of chapter 17, when He says " I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words" and He tells the people to go home & ponder on what He has taught them. But then, in verse 5, He sees into their hearts and their souls, and He sees their faith. Because of their faith, Christ knew He could do what He did next. As it records, "they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them." Here these people are exhausted, but they still want Him to be with them. Christ responds, "my bowels are filled with compassion towards you."
And here comes my favorite part.
He shows them. They are exhausted. Their minds can't take any more instruction. But I would dare bet they learn more from what Christ does next than by anything else. He blesses them. He asks them to bring their sick, the lame, the blind, the deaf, the leprous, the maimed, any that are withered or that are afflicted in any manner. He then heals them. Every. Single. One. Christ takes each individual person and heals them of whatever ailment they have. One by one, He removes the injuries, the sicknesses, the weaknesses. He doesn't limit who He heals. He doesn't say "oh you're not sick enough". He doesn't judge what the issue was. He of all people knows what they have been dealing with, but it doesn't matter to Him. He just has compassion and loves them and heals them.
I love the term "withered" that He uses. I looked that one up. I know what it means, but there's often some great insights when consulting the dictionary. Withered means "shrunken or faded as if from loss of moisture or sustenance". I feel like I would be classified in that category. Sometimes, we go through life and go through the motions, but we are missing that sustenance. We miss that connection that brings life and happiness. Connection with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, connection with others and connection with ourselves. Christ has the power that He can fix it, and has the compassion that He does fix it. He is the only one who knows how to fix exactly what we need, when we need it.
So here's our part.
I have been learning a lot about love lately, and specifically, love verses fear. Love helps us grow, fear keeps us from moving on. But from this, I have learned that love will win. Love can conquer all. Love can remove the hurt and anger. We need to love ourselves and love others. I have had to break through that barrier. I have tried to live and love like Christ. I have had to forgive and not judge. I still find myself at times having the conversations I wish I could and realized, it was all about me. I then focus on loving. To be like Christ, we need to show that compassion, as He did. Reaching out to others, stepping out of our comfort zone, whether it's in the form of taking chips and salsa, fatty fat french fries, chocolate chocolate chocolate chip cookies, or a shoulder to cry on or leaving someone alone for a time, we find whatever we can that that person would need, and we rise to the occasion to do it. Becoming like Christ isn't easy, but as we do something about it and reach out, Christ makes up the difference of what we lack. His compassion fills us and fills what we are trying to become, like Him.
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Life is...a cycle
This week, I have been studying cycles, specifically the pride cycle in the Book of Mormon. It's amazing to me how many times the Nephites fall into this cycle, and it's seen several times very quickly in the book of Helaman especially. The people prosper and have success, then the prosperity goes to their head and they get proud. They forget who their prosperity comes from. They forget the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon them. When they do this, they think it was all themselves and they then consider themselves better than their fellow men. This then leads to classes, status, segregation and a lack of love and charity.
What these people forget, is that all things good come from Heavenly Father. He blesses the people when they keep the commandments. But then they think they did it all on their own and then the Nephites stopped keeping the commandments, and stopped looking out for others. Things started to go downhill. Troubles came. Wars and bloodshed came. The Nephites stopped being successful in their ventures. They began to see their own nothingness and began to see the Lord's hand in all that they had been able to accomplish. This, I have learned, is the definition of humility. The Nephites began again to be humble, to hearken to the prophets, and to follow the Lord.
Are we really any different?
We often go through the same issues, the same cycles, the same weaknesses and addictions. We feel that we are doing good and that we therefore don't need to follow as closely or as tightly as we used to. We think that we can do it on our own. when we start doing it on our own, our Heavenly Father in his wisdom, allows us our choice. This is prime time for Satan to step in. He then convinces us that we did do it all on our own and that we can take our own paths, make our own choices based on what we want to do. We grow further and further away from our Heavenly Father, from truth. Then we hit rock bottom. Something comes, and Satan is no where to be found to try to comfort us. He abandons us as quickly as he started after us. We begin to question what we thought we knew and we find that the things we do know are what keeps us close to Heavenly Father. We realize that we did do great, but we did great because we trusted Him and followed Him. If only we could stay this way.
Break the cycle.
What these people forget, is that all things good come from Heavenly Father. He blesses the people when they keep the commandments. But then they think they did it all on their own and then the Nephites stopped keeping the commandments, and stopped looking out for others. Things started to go downhill. Troubles came. Wars and bloodshed came. The Nephites stopped being successful in their ventures. They began to see their own nothingness and began to see the Lord's hand in all that they had been able to accomplish. This, I have learned, is the definition of humility. The Nephites began again to be humble, to hearken to the prophets, and to follow the Lord.
Are we really any different?
We often go through the same issues, the same cycles, the same weaknesses and addictions. We feel that we are doing good and that we therefore don't need to follow as closely or as tightly as we used to. We think that we can do it on our own. when we start doing it on our own, our Heavenly Father in his wisdom, allows us our choice. This is prime time for Satan to step in. He then convinces us that we did do it all on our own and that we can take our own paths, make our own choices based on what we want to do. We grow further and further away from our Heavenly Father, from truth. Then we hit rock bottom. Something comes, and Satan is no where to be found to try to comfort us. He abandons us as quickly as he started after us. We begin to question what we thought we knew and we find that the things we do know are what keeps us close to Heavenly Father. We realize that we did do great, but we did great because we trusted Him and followed Him. If only we could stay this way.
Break the cycle.
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Life is....seeking
Life is crazy. Not even has been crazy, because I can't remember a time when it wasn't crazy! For about the last 10 months, life has been very busy, crazy, complicated and many other similar adjectives. The last few months have been especially insane. Chaos and stress, only so many hours in the day and only so much of me to go around. We are expected to balance everything, work, family, social life, church, school, health. We often get to the point where something's gotta give. Well, for me, that has been the social life and health. Food and I haven't exactly been getting along, probably caused by stress, also causing more stress.
So, one Friday night, I walked out of my office for the last time (just moving branches). I'm usually good with changes, but this change was different. The changes at work were good, but they brought about other thoughts and feelings that added to the feelings of my world falling apart. Everything was up in the air and I didn't feel like I had much purpose or control. I had made plans for the weekend, and it was already looking like things wouldn't happen. Again, going back to not enough hours in the day. Between that and guilty feelings of needing to be an adult, I was getting more and more frustrated. As the night wore on, trying to focus on math homework (ya right!), the more and more I felt like I really needed to still carry out the plans. The plans were to go for a drive and see some specific places in Southern Utah/Northern Arizona. It was an all or nothing trip. 7 hours or not at all. I just couldn't shake the overwhelming prompting of needing to do something for myself, just because I wanted to.
I had planned out the route of where and when I would be at certain places. As we all know, things don't always go according to plans. I made a few stops before I reached my planned destination. I went wherever I wanted, just because I wanted to. I stopped at one of the Lake Powell overlooks, the Glen Canyon Dam overlook, and of course, food and bathroom stops. When I got to the main place that I had planned, Horseshoe Bend, I was disappointed to see a lot of cars. I figured there would be some people there because it was pretty good weather and a Saturday, but I didn't expect as many people as there were. But, I packed up my bag and headed up the trail, looking forward to seeing something I had wanted to for awhile. I was also seeking something else. Peace. Healing. Something bigger than myself. When I got to the edge, and could see one of Mother Nature's great wonders, all the people around me didn't matter. I had arrived. I took several pictures, then found a place near the edge where most of the people weren't. I sat down and read 4 Nephi. It wasn't even something in the chapter, and it wasn't even a moment of peace. BUT, it was a moment of a PROMISE of peace. There were moments of hope. Moments where the world wasn't falling apart.
I was reminded of a talk given by Sister Wendy Watson Nelson. She talked about turning corners and moving on. She said when we are driving and we turn a corner, we can no longer see what is behind us, only in front of us. At this junction in my life, I am turning a corner and rather than worrying about what I did or didn't do right, I am focusing on what I can do right from now on. When I was at Horseshoe Bend, I found a rock. Being a once upon a time athlete, I knew I would be able to throw the rock pretty far, hoping to get it to the river. Don't judge, I have horrible eye sight and even worse depth perception. So I found a rock a little larger than softball size and said a little prayer. I put all the negative feelings into that rock. All the negative feelings towards myself, towards others, all the frustration, all the hurt of the last several months. And then, I set up and threw it as far and as hard as I could. I watched it fall slowly to the earth and hoping to see it hit water, or more realistically hit rock, I lost where the rock went. And it was a great thing! It meant I could no longer see, feel or find that rock and by association, the feelings that were attached to that rock. It felt like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.
I walked away feeling like a new person. I have had such disappointment with myself, anger and hurt monopolizing my life lately, that it was a very different feeling to not have those clouds looming over me. I had given everything to the Savior, and let it go. I trusted in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, to allow them to take away the hurt. I trusted that I could move on.
The world is not falling apart, as long as I continue to cling to the promise of peace.
Here are a few pictures of the trip....
So, one Friday night, I walked out of my office for the last time (just moving branches). I'm usually good with changes, but this change was different. The changes at work were good, but they brought about other thoughts and feelings that added to the feelings of my world falling apart. Everything was up in the air and I didn't feel like I had much purpose or control. I had made plans for the weekend, and it was already looking like things wouldn't happen. Again, going back to not enough hours in the day. Between that and guilty feelings of needing to be an adult, I was getting more and more frustrated. As the night wore on, trying to focus on math homework (ya right!), the more and more I felt like I really needed to still carry out the plans. The plans were to go for a drive and see some specific places in Southern Utah/Northern Arizona. It was an all or nothing trip. 7 hours or not at all. I just couldn't shake the overwhelming prompting of needing to do something for myself, just because I wanted to.
I had planned out the route of where and when I would be at certain places. As we all know, things don't always go according to plans. I made a few stops before I reached my planned destination. I went wherever I wanted, just because I wanted to. I stopped at one of the Lake Powell overlooks, the Glen Canyon Dam overlook, and of course, food and bathroom stops. When I got to the main place that I had planned, Horseshoe Bend, I was disappointed to see a lot of cars. I figured there would be some people there because it was pretty good weather and a Saturday, but I didn't expect as many people as there were. But, I packed up my bag and headed up the trail, looking forward to seeing something I had wanted to for awhile. I was also seeking something else. Peace. Healing. Something bigger than myself. When I got to the edge, and could see one of Mother Nature's great wonders, all the people around me didn't matter. I had arrived. I took several pictures, then found a place near the edge where most of the people weren't. I sat down and read 4 Nephi. It wasn't even something in the chapter, and it wasn't even a moment of peace. BUT, it was a moment of a PROMISE of peace. There were moments of hope. Moments where the world wasn't falling apart.
I was reminded of a talk given by Sister Wendy Watson Nelson. She talked about turning corners and moving on. She said when we are driving and we turn a corner, we can no longer see what is behind us, only in front of us. At this junction in my life, I am turning a corner and rather than worrying about what I did or didn't do right, I am focusing on what I can do right from now on. When I was at Horseshoe Bend, I found a rock. Being a once upon a time athlete, I knew I would be able to throw the rock pretty far, hoping to get it to the river. Don't judge, I have horrible eye sight and even worse depth perception. So I found a rock a little larger than softball size and said a little prayer. I put all the negative feelings into that rock. All the negative feelings towards myself, towards others, all the frustration, all the hurt of the last several months. And then, I set up and threw it as far and as hard as I could. I watched it fall slowly to the earth and hoping to see it hit water, or more realistically hit rock, I lost where the rock went. And it was a great thing! It meant I could no longer see, feel or find that rock and by association, the feelings that were attached to that rock. It felt like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders.
I walked away feeling like a new person. I have had such disappointment with myself, anger and hurt monopolizing my life lately, that it was a very different feeling to not have those clouds looming over me. I had given everything to the Savior, and let it go. I trusted in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, to allow them to take away the hurt. I trusted that I could move on.
The world is not falling apart, as long as I continue to cling to the promise of peace.
Here are a few pictures of the trip....
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Life is....an experiment
Experiments. Sometimes they are really good. Sometimes they are really awful. And sometimes there is just no explanation. Experimenting is simply put, trying something out. If you want to know something, or want to know if something actually works, try it out.
Alma teaches us this principle in Alma 32. The entire chapter is dedicated to an experiment. The beginning of the experiment is often overlooked, but that is, to me, the most crucial part of the experiment. Desire. To have the desire to test whatever it is you are testing begins the entire process, but it also gives you the belief that it will work. By simply having the desire, you are already committed. I saw how simply having the desire can change lives in my own life. I had some things in my life that I needed to change. I knew what I needed to do to change, and I knew that i did need to, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be angry. The moment, the very moment, that I had just the desire to change, not even making the decision to change, just having the desire to change, was a pivotal moment for me. At that moment when I had the desire to change, I had hope. With that hope, I was able to accept the need to change. From there, the experiment grew. I am still in that experiment and still growing. But, the seed that Alma talks about is there. The desire is there, and it is growing.
Alma teaches us this principle in Alma 32. The entire chapter is dedicated to an experiment. The beginning of the experiment is often overlooked, but that is, to me, the most crucial part of the experiment. Desire. To have the desire to test whatever it is you are testing begins the entire process, but it also gives you the belief that it will work. By simply having the desire, you are already committed. I saw how simply having the desire can change lives in my own life. I had some things in my life that I needed to change. I knew what I needed to do to change, and I knew that i did need to, but I didn't want to. I wanted to be angry. The moment, the very moment, that I had just the desire to change, not even making the decision to change, just having the desire to change, was a pivotal moment for me. At that moment when I had the desire to change, I had hope. With that hope, I was able to accept the need to change. From there, the experiment grew. I am still in that experiment and still growing. But, the seed that Alma talks about is there. The desire is there, and it is growing.
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